So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
