i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
