i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize
