So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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