8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
