so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
