so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
