my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
