why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
