Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
