I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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