I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
