I'm so fucking centered right now
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
