I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
