me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
