I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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