So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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