it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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