I got her a Nickelback box set.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
