9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
