i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
