i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
