people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
It was confusing and full of hummus
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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