I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
