Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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