none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
