Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
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