I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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