For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
