I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
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