Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
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