Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
