Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
