You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
love makes seman taste better
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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