My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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