i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
