You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
that's an acceptable place to lick
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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