Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
