K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I could fuck to npr.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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