Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
