The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
