Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
