Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
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