Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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