if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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