It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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