it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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