i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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