Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
