That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
