My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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