apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
