Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
