You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
