i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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