Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
