i don't like sucking hair
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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