Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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