The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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