yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
