i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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