i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize