We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
