I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
i've created a new STD.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize