you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
